I feel blessed to have experienced my path in life in multiple ways.
In the realm of gender identity I feel a bit late to the game but also enlightened early in life without a clear knowledge of the wisdom I was acquiring. I think the only reason I feel late to the game is because I am a white, cisgender, heterosexual male. Let me take this opportunity to acknowledge my privilege.
Here is a quick historical recap of my experience. I was born into a middle class family in the deep southern baptist south in South Carolina. I was taught all my life that homosexuality was an abomination. Fast forward to the collapse of my family through a divorce and my escape from the charade of propriety I had been spoon fed. I found myself at college immersed in the theatre community. I had to defend my sexuality to men who were attracted to me. I became roommates with a fellow actor and fabulous drag queen. Fast forward again and I find myself working with a loving in-law family who is coming to terms with a young person’s transition to living as a trans woman.
Now much of the world is doing the hard work to expand their view. We look at how we can coach the next generation in being supportive and loving of all people they encounter. Within that work certain groups announce that they will teach young people that their biology does not necessarily define their gender. The reaction to that is the impetus for this post. What I see are people who take this initiative as a threat to their children’s identity and perhaps an attack on what they see as the supportive moral structure of this country.
What I want to say to those people through this post is that these initiatives are meant to help and support the kid in the group who feels like an outsider. This is not an attack on your children or an initiative to confuse or change them. Your cisgender kids will be fine. Hopefully what this initiative will do is open the minds and hearts of your privileged youth so that when they encounter someone who doesn’t fit the mold they will be kind. There is an epidemic of marginalized people who feel different and unfortunately that often translates into feeling worthless. Without the support of their community these people lose the will to live and commit suicide or are violently target by privileged youth who do fit the status quo and single out those who are different. They do this because no one sat them down as a young child and told them that people who are different are OK and worthy of love and respect.
You don’t have to agree with the life choices of others or even the core of who another person is. No one is asking you to change or compromise your beliefs. What you are being asked to do is respect others in their choice and treat them with dignity.
Don’t rail against inclusion. Don’t twist it into an attack on your beliefs. Just be kind.
